Out Of This Neither-World!
by NeversideFaerie
Summary: Beetlejuice and Lydia are thrown halfway across the galaxy as the result of a mean trick and find themselves in an alien dimension of the Neitherworld. It's going to take wits, determination and lots of puns to get them out of this one!
1. Prologue

**I'm glad to say that after a long absence, I'm back on the writing scene. I can't remember exactly where I got the idea for this story from, but it came a few months back and the thought of cartoon Beetlejuice and Lydia having an outer space adventure immediately appealed, so I drew a comic page of just that. I loved how the picture turned out so much that I decided to turn the idea into a fanfiction and the rest is history!I've been watching the show for more than a year now, so it was about time I wrote a story about it. One of the reasons I was inspired to write it is that I've noticed on this site the Beetlejuice cartoon section is mostly made up of romance and friendship stories. That's not to say I dislike them; there are lots of really good fanfictions I've found here, especially Lady Norbert's "Contractually Obligated Chaos" series. However, I noticed there weren't many stories that followed the typical formula of the programme. With my Wizards vs Aliens fanfics, people kept saying that they loved the fact that my stories seemed like episodes of the programme. I hope to do the same now with my first ever Beetlejuice story!**

Prologue

"Beetlejuice is the number one nuisance in the Neitherworld. He has been behind several million pranks over the last couple hundred years, ranging from benign whoopie cushions to the destruction of entire cities. Yesterday, there was a public outcry as the so-called 'ghost with the most' posed as door-to-door salesman Mr Beetleman, attempting to con elderly residents into hiring him to do overpriced odd jobs for them and selling alleged 'antiques' that turned out to be worthless. Beetlejuice was met with a hefty fine for fraud and deceit, but many are saying this punishment is far from adequate and it is about time he is finally banished to the sandworm land, or met with a penalty worse than anything ever previously bestowed by the Neitherworld justice system, but the question that is on everyone's minds is, what could possibly punish this infamous poltergeist enough to pay for his life of crime?"

The news bulletin ended on a picture of Beetlejuice grinning wickedly, with a bold question mark beside it. Meanwhile, a thousand cries of contempt came from an audience gathered in a large meetinghouse, who were watching the video on a cinema screen. In front of the screen was a stand with a microphone, toward which slithered a creature that appeared to be a oozing blob of green slime with two arms and a face.

"This has gone on for too long!" spat the monster, who spoke with a clear English accent of a man in his thirties, "Beetlejuice has continually evaded the hands of justice for centuries, allowing him to perform innumerable tricks upon members of the public. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for us to fight back!"

The crowd shouted in agreement. Behind the blob, a banner was unveiled, bearing the words, "'The ghost with the most is toast' contest."

"I will now announce the first 'who can play the meanest trick on Beetlejuice competition!"

There was a massive cheer from everybody in the building.

"First prize is a week-long holiday in Poo-niversal Studios, Cow-lifornia."

A picture appeared on the screen of the entrance to the famous dung-themed theme park, surrounded by grazing cows. The crowd "ooh"ed and "aah"ed, before suddenly the image vanished, to be replaced with another picture of the repulsive con-man, which induced several booes.

"Whatever happens, the most important thing is Beetlejui-"

"Don't say it three times!" shrieked someone from the audience.

The blob shot them a look before going on.

"...the most important thing about this contest is that _you know who_ must get his just desserts, and not in the form of a trifle or ice cream like in one of his usual puns. Now, has anyone got any entries?"

"Ooh...me first, me first!" squeaked a shrill-voiced little zombie girl, waving her hand around frantically as she ran up to the podium.

"Go ahead," sighed the blob, not expecting to be impressed.

The girl pulled a small contraption out of nowhere. "I built a water catapult. If Beetlejuice comes anywhere near it, he'll be drenched to the skin!" Without warning, the catapult suddenly activated and flung its contents all over the host. "Oh, sorry! I forgot I wasn't supposed to get too close to it."

"That's all right," grumbled the blob, trying to conceal his frustration, which he had a feeling would continue to grow as the evening progressed. He shook off the water, just in time for the next contestant to come forward. This time it was a old, bent-over man with a cane, clutching what looked like a large beetle.

"What's that you got there?" asked the blob.

"It's a bar of soap," responded the raspy voice of the aged man, "Cleverly disguised as a beetle. If Beetlejuice was to pick it up and eat it, then...oh."

"Oh what?"

"I was hoping he might accidentally wash his hands with it. I know how much he hates being clean. The soap is extra slippery so...WHOA!"

The extra slippery soap flew right out of his hands and into the audience, knocking out someone on the back row. There were gasps as people turned to see who it was.

"Um..." mulled the host, "NEXT!"

Over the following hour, he was presented numerous jokes and traps and machines and ideas, all of which were pretty outrageous, but far less original than he'd been hoping the entries would be. There were only so many corny gags he could take!

After a snake-charmer and a witch doctor disappointed him with yet another fake sandworm, finally a middle-aged woman came up on stage. She had long auburn hair and was wearing oversized glasses. She also didn't appear to be carrying any potential prank items.

"This will never do!" she tutted, "Everyone here is just trying to fight fire with fire - or rather trying to repay Beetlejuice for his pranks by just playing _more_ pranks! If there's one thing I know about Beetlejuice, none of this will teach him some respect - if anything, it will just give him more ideas! We need a punishment that is firm and severe - something that will make him pay. What is the one thing that _really_ matters to him?"

There was silence in the hall, before people started calling out ideas.

"Beetles!"

"Being dirty!"

"Playing pranks!"

The blob just raised a slimy eyebrow. It was hopeless - there wasn't a sensible person in the entire audience!

"His roadhouse!"

"His striped suit!"

Why was he even bothering to carry on with the competition? Nobody had suggested anything that was remotely useful!

"Lydia!"

All of a sudden, the audience fell quiet again. The blob opened his mouth, but couldn't find any words to fill it with.

"And there we have it," the woman went on, "The one thing Beetle-" She broke off before she said it a third time. "The one thing BJ actually cares about is his best friend, Lydia Deetz."

"Yeah, let's squash her!" shouted an enthusiastic boy in the audience.

"Turn her into soup!"

"Feed her to the sandworms!"

The lady clapped a hand over her face.

"Might I remind you that it's BEETLEJUICE we're trying to get revenge on, not-"

"Hey!" said a male voice beside her, "Is this a party or somethin'?"

The woman then had the shock of her life when she realised Beetlejuice was standing right beside her, looking in the direction of the refreshments that had been laid out for after the competition.

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" she sped in horror.

"D'oh!" groaned the ghost, before vanishing into a bat and a tin can.

"Sorry about that," she hissed, her whole face going red, "As I was saying, it's not Lydia we are trying to punish - we need to do something to Lydia that will punish Beetlejuice. Does anyone have any even _close_ to sensible ideas?"

"What we need is something that will get rid of her," interrupted the host, scratching his head, clearly forgetting he wasn't supposed to be in the competition, but nobody complained, "Not something that will hurt her, obviously. Can anyone work with that?"

There was then the sound of an entire audience of people whispering and chattering as their brains finally started getting into action, churning through internal catalogues of their meanest ideas.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

A ghostly face popped into Lydia's dressing table mirror. "Hey, Lyds! You're never gonna believe what happened to your old pal yesterday."

"When it comes to you, BJ, I don't think that's possible," responded his best friend, not looking up from the study book she was sat reading on her bed.

"I was summoned to a party!" Beej magicked himself a conical hat and a blowout, with lots of streamers and balloons, which made Lydia giggle, "But as soon as I got there, I was sent back." His hat, streamers and balloons vanished in an instant. "It just doesn't add up!" He turned into the sum '1 + 1 = 3'.

"I have no idea what happened there," replied Lydia, setting down her textbook, "Maybe they wanted to invite you, but as soon as you arrived they remembered what you did _last time_ you went to a party."

"I'm no party pooper!" protested BJ, turning into a heap of dung.

"You know what I mean, Beetlejuice. Anyway, I've just finished my studies for today and I was wondering whether we could go to the Shocking Mall. Mother keeps saying I need new clothes, but I know what sort of clothes _she'll_ pick out if I go shopping with her."

"Say the magic B words, Babes, and I'll juice you right out of here!"

Lydia grinned. "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!"

Her bedroom disappeared, to be replaced by the looming entrance to the Neitherworld Shocking Mall, the giant sign in electric pink lights, Beetlejuice stood right beside her. She fished around in the pocket (!) of her black jumpsuit and found a dark purple coin purse, which she peeped inside of.

"How much pocket money have I saved up?" she mumbled to herself.

"No need to worry 'bout that, Babes!" interrupted Beetlejuice, rummaging through both of his own pockets, "I got all the cash you need!" He pulled out two handfuls of soil and his face fell. "I forgot - I'm dirt poor!"

"It's OK, Beej - I've managed to save up twenty dollars. That should be enough for a new dress."

Beetlejuice, however, didn't appear to be listening. His attention was drawn to a funfair directly behind them that, as far as he was concerned, hadn't been there the last time he'd checked. Not only that, alongside a towering ferris wheel, various carousels playing clashing tunes and a super-fast rollercoaster forcing screams out of every rider's mouth, there were the tempting lights flashing in an amusement arcade; inside of which were several large machines with bold, colourful logos and clear compartments displaying all the money to be won. Beetlejuice's pupils turned to dollar signs as he eyed them worshipfully.

"Babes?" he begged, "Could ya lend me some change?"

"No chance, Beetlejuice," responded Lydia, raising an eyebrow. She knew perfectly well what he was looking at.

"Come on, Lyds!" BJ knelt on the floor and tugged at her clothes. "Just a dollar...or two...or three...or-"

"I'm not letting you waste my money. If we do go to the fair, can we please do something that we _both_ enjoy?" She caught sight of the rollercoaster and pointed to it. "How about we go on that - the Rocket Rollercoaster? It looks like the _scariest_ ride in the whole funfair!" She elbowed Beej and whispered, "It'll be fun."

 _Yeah, but not as much fun as being RICH!_ thought Beetlejuice sulkily, before floating after his companion in the direction of the fair.

Once inside, they were surrounded by the fragrant scent of the enticing popcorn stand and the noise and lights of dozens of rides. If Lydia hadn't already selected the roller coaster, they wouldn't have known where to start - to one side there were bumper cars thudding into each other, to the other there was the entrance to the hall of mirrors, allowing you to catch a glimpse of the twisted world within. Creatures milled around, queuing up for rides and buying treats and drinks. The crowd was so heaving in some places that people bashed into each other, dropping candyfloss and yelling angrily. BJ caught sight of a few spilled coins on the ground below him.

 _Kerching!_ he thought, picking them up sneakily whilst Lydia wasn't looking. He counted them quietly and found he had a dollar.

Slipping them into his pockets, he called out, "Lyds? I gotta...you know...use the bathroom." He pointed to a nearby toilet. "You go on ahead - I'll catch up with ya later."

"I'll buy two tickets!" called back Lydia as he slipped into the crowd.

Once Beetlejuice couldn't see her any more, he decided the coast was clear and headed for the arcade, not noticing that many members of the crowd were attendees of the "party" he'd accidentally appeared at yesterday. In actual fact, the blob who'd been in charge of the competition was lurking behind a candyfloss stand next to the ticket office for the rollercoaster. He signalled to the controller when he spotted Lydia's red poncho.

When Lydia had made it to the front of the queue, he turned a secret lever that removed one of the usual multi-seater trains, which had just been emptied, and placed a purple car onto the tracks, different to the others in that it was shaped like a full rocket, complete with oversized thrusters and glass portholes where the two seats were.

"I'll have two tickets, please," Lydia asked the ticketter, placing a few coins on the counter, "My friend BJ will be here soon."

"Certainly, Madam," he responded, handing them to her. As she turned to get in the rocket, he furtively reached for another lever, hesitating until the right moment.

Lydia clambered onto the back seat of the little ship through one of the windows, shut it behind her, did up her seatbelt and waited for Beetlejuice. After about a minute, she wondered where in the Neitherworld he could have got to. Was there a queue for the toilet? Did he have diarrhoea? Had he got sidetracked, as she could easily imagine happening? She constantly gazed into the crowd, trying to see if she could catch a glimpse of him, but with no avail. This was partly because the fairground was so packed, but mostly because the toilet - and anywhere nearby he might have ended up - was a long way off.

Whilst this was going on, she began to feel the car start to move, cursing BJ's lack of punctuality. She might as well have not paid for his ticket if he wasn't going to bother to turn up!

The carriage picked up speed, trundling along the tracks, before hitting its first loop-the-loop. Lydia squealed and held up her arms, once again remembering the sheer excitement of feeling like her stomach had been left behind, wishing that Beetlejuice was with her to share the experience. He was really going to be sorry when he found out what he'd missed! At the same time, it was a little odd not being able to see what was in front of her. The front of the rocket was triangular and the compartment Lydia was sat in was a cuboid, with the whole space being enclosed - almost airtight, even.

The rocket went round several twists and turns, before heading up a tall slope, albeit much quicker than she would have expected. Suddenly, not even giving Lydia the chance to twig something was wrong, the carriage reached the peak and flew right off it.

It took her a moment to even believe what had happened. The rollercoaster car had zoomed off the tracks and was now soaring overhead the fair! Was it all part of the ride? Lydia turned to see if any of the other trains had done so too but was alarmed to see none of them looked anything like hers. Had she landed herself with some special flying rocket carriage? In that case, where was it heading? The vessel seemed to be heading upward, as if threatening to take her where it belonged. She threw open the nearest window and screamed at the top of her lungs, "BEETLEJUICE!"

Meanwhile, her bad best friend had just trudged out of the arcade, looking rather down in the dumps over not having won anything in the slot machines. He wasn't really concentrating on where he was going and didn't notice the multitudes of people who were pointing and staring at the sky and much less what had transfixed them. He started to head back to the rollercoaster, where he'd promised Lydia he'd get back to, when he heard a sound that cut straight to his heart.

"BEETLEJUICE!"

What? Where?!

BJ's eyes sprang upward to see a miniature rocket hurtling up into the blue, the gradient of its path getting rapidly steeper. He gave a horrified gulp before he leapt into the sky and flew after it at top speed.

"I'm coming for ya, Lyds!"

"BEEJ!" Lydia called again, not being able to see her best friend furiously trying to catch up with the runaway rocket, which was increasingly getting faster and more difficult to keep up with. If the spaceship really was heading where he thought it was going to, he was never going to equal its speed! He closed his eyes and summoned every ounce of his juice, concentrating on the thought of propelling himself forward.

Without warning, his magic thrust him up in the air, giving him only a few seconds to register in what direction he'd travelled and that Lydia's rocket was now heading straight for him. Beetlejuice swerved upward just in time (assuming the rocket was not yet heading that way...) and managed to land on the conical front, clinging on for dear afterlife.

"Babes!" he hollered, hammering on the metal, "Let me in!"

"Hold on, Beetlejuice! I'm coming! Try to get to a window."

Lydia unclipped herself and clambered over the back of the front seating to his rescue. "Don't look down!"

Beetlejuice unwittingly disobeyed her instruction and caught sight of the ground, which was considerably further away than he remembered. "AAAAARRRRRRRGH!" His eyes jumped right out of their sockets.

Lydia was leaning out the front window by now, gesturing to him. "Grab my hand! I'll pull you inside."

"I can't look!" Beej covered his eyes with one of his hands, when he felt Lydia's gentle fingers latching onto his other hand.

"You can do it, BJ!" she encouraged.

Keeping his eyes shut, he climbed off the exterior cone and in through the window, shutting it behind him. He sat himself down on the front seat whilst Lydia climbed over the back to the seat she had already claimed.

"Buckle up, Babes," he called, "This is going to be a bumpy ride!"


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Meanwhile, back in the funfair, the crowd were still staring up at the sky.

"Is he gone yet?" someone asked the green blob, who was looking through a pair of binoculars.

"I can't see the rocket anymore," he concluded, putting them down.

There was a wild cheer from everybody in the crowd. Many of them even threw their candyfloss into the air in celebration!

Somebody scooted over to the blob and set up a microphone in front of him.

He cleared his throat and said, "I am pleased to announce that now Beetlejuice himself has been banished off the face of the Neitherworld. Now let's CELEBRATE!"

There was another cheer, followed by even more flying candyfloss.

...

Whilst this was going on, Beetlejuice and Lydia's ship had gone straight through the atmosphere. BJ could see Earth through his window, which rapidly got smaller until it was out of view. Surrounding them now was the imposing darkness of space. They passed a shooting star (complete with a giant hand-gun) and a planet with a ring (ruby, in fact, or possibly garnet). There was also a flying saucer with a flying teacup and spoon trailing behind it, not to mention the odd appearance of alien spacecraft, sometimes towing smaller ships behind them with tractor beams, farmers at the helms of the tractors. One of them even went down a wormhole, much to the annoyance of its wriggly resident.

"Are we still in the Neitherworld?" Lydia's face was pressed to her window, enthralled by all the sights.

"Where else, Babes? The Neitherworlds stretch across the entire universe!"

"Neither- _worlds_? You mean they have them on other planets? Deadly-vu!"

As soon as she said this, the rocket gradually began to decrease in speed, before heading for a nearby planet.

"Hold on, Lyds!" called Beetlejuice, "We're coming to land!"

"At last!" said Lydia, and they both screamed as the spaceship hurtled toward the lilac-coloured moon, narrowly avoiding collisions with other vessels heading in the same direction. There were rather a lot of ships, actually, and as they got nearer to the surface Beetlejuice could see a large spaceport. It was electric green, dome-shaped and propped up on stilts with several arms extending out to house small landing pods, also dome-shaped but made of glass. The main dome had many windows and a couple of airlocks large enough to allow entire spaceships inside.

Their own rocket, now at a gentler pace, was coming towards one of the unoccupied glass domes. The half-bubble opened just in time to receive its new occupants and closed once they were inside. As soon as the ship had settled, Beej opened his window to let in some fresh air.

"Where are we?" Lydia asked, eying the purple crater-covered landscape.

"Got me, Babes!" responded BJ.

He clambered out of the window onto the platform, heading for the tunnel inside the connective arm, quickly caught up with by Lydia. Five minutes later, they found themselves in the inside of the main dome, revealed to be a busy space station. All around them were aliens in all different colours and shapes and sizes, some with six or more limbs, or two or more heads. Not all of them were humanoid and there was even the occasional sight of robots with flashing lights. Still, this was no weirder than the creatures Lydia and Beetlejuice were used to seeing on a daily basis.

"Are these creatures from _other_ Neitherworlds?" Lydia was amazed

"Sure, Lyds - do ya think normal aliens would look as crazy as these ones?"

"I guess not," said Lydia with a smile, when suddenly a tall man with brown skin, wavy black hair and armoured clothing walked straight into her best friend.

"HEY! Watch it!" shouted BJ rudely, before realising the alien had wrapped both his arms around him in a tight squeeze and he could hardly breathe (or at least wouldn't be if he was still alive).

"Lyds...help!" wheezed a muffled voice from inside the bear hug.

"Hmmm..." Lydia scratched her chin. She then pulled a duster out of nowhere, crept up on the cuddling offender and started tickling him under his armpits. The alien began to laugh, giving Lydia enough time to wrench Beetlejuice out of his arms and make a dash for it. They ran to an elevator and leapt inside, both punching all the operating buttons. The creature gave chase, but luckily the doors closed just in time and the lift started going upward.

"Are you all right, Beetlejuice?"

"Just a little crushed!" He turned into a crumpled can.

"Who was that guy?"

"Probably just a Cling-On." ( _Bdum-cha!_ )

Promptly, the doors opened again, displaying another level. This one wasn't quite as busy and the two friends soon made their way to the massive window making up one of the platform's walls. Through it, they could see the planet's crater-covered surface and the vastness of outer space, dotted with stars and nearby planets, but none of them anything like Earth.

"Oh Beetlejuice, how will we ever get home?" asked Lydia worriedly.

"No sweat Babes - I'll get us outta this mess. I've been in much bigger messes, if ya know what I mean. _Snort!_ "

"I guess so - we've gotten out of some really sticky predicaments."

"Yeah! Like the time I put glue all over Mayor Maynot's chair and we had to make a dash for it!"

"That's not quite what I meant, Beetlejuice..."

It was then BJ noticed that there were considerably more people on the platform than there had been when they first entered. So much so, that the crowd was starting to press in on them.

Meanwhile, Lydia gazed wistfully at the view.

"I would sure love to go outside and explore those craters. It's too bad there's no air on this moon."

"Say no more, Lyds!" responded Beej, elbowing several aliens out of his way, "It's getting too crowded in here - we need a little _SPACE!_ "


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Ten minutes latee, Beetlejuice and Lydia were floating two metres above the planet's surface, both wearing one-piece spacesuits with bubble helmets Beej had magicked out of their clothes. Lydia's was red with spiderweb patterns on the bodysuit and BJ's was black and white pinstriped with deep pink gloves, boots, tank and base for his helmet. Lydia was turning several somersaults, squealing in delight as she became more accustomed to her newfound freedom.

"I can fly just like you now, BJ!" she cried, "Wow, this is amazing!"

"Bet ya never thought I could do the moon-walk!" joked Beetlejuice.

He took hold of her gloved hand and together they bounced over the rocky surface, laughing with glee, somersaulting and twirling around until they were both dizzy. They let go of each other and tried to get their balance back, hovering just above the ground.

"I'm feeling really _light_ -headed," commented Beej as he waited for everything to stop spinning.

"Look, Beetlejuice!" cried Lydia all of a sudden, "There's a junkyard over there." She pointed to a large heap of spaceship parts, often broken and rusty, or with dents and chipped paint. One thing was certain, they hadn't seen it earlier.

"Sure, but what's so special about that, Babes? It's just a pile of old junk! It hasn't even got any cockroaches."

"Maybe there's something in there we could fix to our rocket so we can go home!"

She drifted over to the jumble and started pulling out all sorts of odds and ends. Pipes and panels went flying. Lydia kept on digging until finally she'd found what she was after.

"A warp drive!" she cried, examining the item which looked rather a lot like a car with a bent vinyl record attached to it, "Just what we're after!" Suddenly, a bewildered expression crept upon her face. "Wait a minute. I just realised something. How come all the puns out here are still in English? Didn't we travel light years away to a distant galaxy?"

Beetlejuice's face froze in confusion for a few seconds. He blinked a couple of times before he screamed, his head going round at top speed.

"Stop it, Lyds! You're making me go CRAZY!"

Lydia laughed and said, "I wouldn't want you any other way." She fished through the junk pile and found a small control panel, complete with a steering wheel. "Now could you help me fix these onto our rocket?"

 _Who me?_ thought Beetlejuice.

The next thing he knew, they had floated back to where their spacecraft had landed and were attaching the drive between the boosters. Once they'd finished, they stood back and admired their handiwork, hands on hips.

"Now to see if this works," said Lydia, as they clambered into the vessel. BJ set up the console in the front of the rocket and pressed the "on" switch. However, aside from a noise similar to a car starting, it didn't do anything. He tried pressing some of the buttons, but they only turned the air conditioning on and off.

"Lydia, we have a problem!"

"What's wrong, Beetlejuice?" asked his best friend.

"I can't get this darn thing to take off!"

He punched another control, when suddenly pop music came blasting out.

"SWITCH IT OFF!" screeched Lydia, clamping her hands over the sides of her helmet.

Beej frantically pressed every button in sight, managing to activate the missile launcher (luckily not in the direction of the space station), the com system (confusing the crew of a nearby spaceship) and the windscreen wipers (which were rather useless considering the fact the front didn't even resemble a windscreen) before finally getting rid of the wretched noise.

"Whew!" He wiped his forehead, or at least as close as he could get to it with his helmet in the way.

Then, all of a sudden, Lydia caught sight of something coming out of the station into the tunnel connected to their now-open dome. Within a few seconds she recognised him as the rather overenthusiastic Cling-On they'd narrowly escaped earlier and, worse still, he was charging straight for them.

She gasped loudly. "Quick, Beetlejuice! We need to get away from him!"

"I'm trying, Babes!" responded Beej, who was punching the "on" switch like mad.

"Turn the wheel!" suggested Lydia. Meanwhile, the alien was gaining in on them, shouting possible obscenities in his native language.

BJ had no time to think. He grasped the steering wheel and turned it to the left. The spacecraft jerked in the same direction, now hovering slightly above the platform. Beetlejuice put his feet down on the pedals and before he or Lyds even had chance to blink, they'd been catapulted into the vast unknown of space.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRGH!" chorused the two friends as they zoomed across the universe, missing space buses and asteroids by a whisker, until BJ realised he could take his foot off the accelerator. They were then reduced to cruising at a more acceptable rate.

"That angry Cling-On will never catch us now!" cheered Lydia, but it appeared she spoke too soon, as a few seconds later she caught sight of a large Cling-On warbird (which looked like a bird with war paint) not far behind them. "Oh my gosh, Beetlejuice! He's on our tail!"

As soon as she said this, the rocket grew a bushy fox's tail, upon the end of which rested the enemy spaceship.

"Looks like we'll have to _shake them off_!" replied her poltergeist friend, and the tail proceeded to wag speedily. The warbird dug in its claws, but even his grip wasn't strong enough to withstand BJ's magic. With one mighty thrust, he was thrown into the middle of next week, or rather the passing starship Henterprise (which looked like a giant chicken), crash-landing upon its head.

Before he had a chance to catch his breath back, he was hailed by the captain of the Henterprise. (The warbird covered his head and whimpered whilst being pelted by the frozen rainstorm.)

"This is Captain Cluck speaking. Please state the reason behind your interception."

The Cling-On groaned.

With him out of the way, Lydia called, "How are we going to get us home, BJ? You can't see where we're going."

"You're right, Lyds! I'm just guessin'. You better find where Earth is before I take us to the other side of the universe!"

Lydia looked out of her porthole. A few seconds later she called, "Over there, Beetlejuice!" The familiar blue and green planet was to their right. (Or at least appeared to be to their right. There is no up or down or left or right in space.)

"Hold onto your helmet, Lyds! We're coming in to land!"


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Meanwhile, back at the fairground, there was quite a celebration going on. A big flag bearing the words "Good Riddance, Beetlejuice!" was flying on the helter-skelter, with similar posters stuck to various buildings and rides, all sporting a crossed-out picture of him. The place was absolutely packed, since news of BJ's departure had spread over the Neitherworld rapidly, and many of his old rivals and enemies were now joining in the fun. Mayor Maynot, Jesse Germs, Smallhead, Germs Pondscum, Mr Monitor and Scuzzo the clown were really painting the town red, and were glad not to be doing so in the literal sense now their foe was gone. The party was starting to get wild and even riotous, what with half-drunken monsters throwing darts at photos of the infamous ghost, dancing madly at a impromptu disco (complete with a DJ, who was really some random ghoul they'd dragged onstage, but he seemed to be enjoying himself) and cramming onto the rides and into the arcade, which was in complete disarray, with crisps, popcorn, streamers and even abandoned toy prizes littering the floor.

Not everyone was involved the crazy activities though. Behind the arcade sat the blob who'd started the whole campaign to rid the Neitherworld of its biggest nuisance, who hadn't been gone an hour and already he was beginning wonder if he'd made the right decision. This wasn't the only thing he was feeling guilty about - it was going to take a zillion years to clean up the amusement park once the bash was over! While he was sat contemplating his responsibilities, he was approached by another person who wasn't in the mood to join in with the party. It was the woman with the oversized glasses who had spoken up at the competition's meeting when things had got too silly.

"This is getting out of hand!" she shouted, since everyone else was making such a racket, "You're the one who organised this contest - do something!"

"I don't know what I can do!" replied the blob, "I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen!"

"Can't you use your microphone to tell everyone to stop?"

"I don't think they'd listen!"

"Then what can stop them? This party could go on for hours!"

All of a sudden, they both heard a noise. This was quite a shock, since the cacophony of the partygoers would drown out all but the loudest sounds, so within a few seconds they realised that whatever was making it not only had to be pretty loud, but probably pretty near as well. Their eyes turned to the heavens and almost immediately caught sight of an unidentified object, set on a collision course straight towards the fair!

It wasn't just them who had noticed it either - most of the other people in the park were looking in the direction of the sky as well and were starting to panic. The blob thought now would be a good time to finally use his microphone.

"EVERYBODY RUN!"

The crowd didn't need telling. Screams pierced the air as creatures ran in all directions, colliding with each other and trampling over fallen bodies. Many people even clambered up the ferris wheel, roller coaster and helter skelter or onto the rooves of the toilets and arcade. If the blob was concerned about the madness that had been happening a minute ago, then boy was he horrified now! All around him was complete chaos and even though he shouted a few more commands into his microphone, virtually no-one seemed to listen.

Whilst this was all going on, BJ and Lydia were starting to panic themselves. Though Beej was pressing down on the brake with all his might, the rocket was still heading toward the fair at a considerable speed.

"I can't stop this thing!" hollered Beetlejuice.

"Aim for the bouncy castle!" cried Lydia.

Two seconds after she had said this, all the eerily carefree children still jumping on the inflatable got a terrible fright and scrambled off before the runaway rocket came plummeting down. Beej tried to land on it, but the ship was still going too fast and instead tore a hole right through the back. It continued to be propelled across the fair, narrowly missing several screaming party guests, until it hit a popcorn stand full on, causing the entire booth to topple over, popcorn exploding everywhere. Still, at least the ship was in one piece.

"We did it, Beetlejuice!" exclaimed Lydia, once the two of them had caught their breath back, bouncing in her seat and punching the air.

Outside, the popcorn pelted crowds were now gathering around the former roller coaster carriage, shocked and embarrassed that the nuisance they'd thought they'd banished once and for all had defied their plans.

The intrepid astronauts opened their windows and finally were able to step back onto familiar soil.

"What are you staring at?" snapped BJ, causing the crowds to start milling around again.

Lydia removed her helmet and tucked it under one arm. "There are a lot more people here than I remember...I wonder what happened while we were gone," she observed, luckily not noticing the workmen who were scrambling around, trying to take down all the "Good Riddance, Beetlejuice!" posters before either of them could see what they'd been doing in their absence.

"Never mind that, Babes! It's onto the Shocking Mall - I heard they're having a two-for-one offer on sweat-pants. Smelly gym-wear, you know I love it!"

"Wait a minute, Beetlejuice!" replied Lydia, "We still don't know what caused the rocket to take off in the first place."

"It was probably just a malfunction," shrugged off Beej, taking off his helmet, "If we get to the mall now, they might still have some scream-buns left in the bakery!" He licked his lips noisily.

"I don't think so, BJ. It wasn't like the other rockets on the track. I reckon someone was deliberately trying to get rid of us."

"You're overthinking, Lyds! What person in the Neitherworld would want to get rid of ME?"

"How about all of them?"

"You have a point."

It was then Lydia caught sight of someone watching them from behind the arcade and cowering.

"And I think I might know who that someone is..."

She marched over to where the blob was hiding and came back holding him by the scruff of his neck, or at least where his neck would be if he had one.

"OK, it was me - I admit it!" he confessed, "Let me go, please! I can explain!"

Lydia plopped him back on the ground where he adjusted himself into his usual form, albeit rather shakily.

"There was a competition to see who could play the best trick on Beetlejuice and the idea that won was to send his best friend into space - and him with her!"

Beej gave an exaggerated gasp, his hair standing on end. His face then morphed into an expression of anger.

"You tried to get rid of Lyds?!" He whipped off his space-gloves and rolled up his sleeves. "Listen pal - you better say sorry to her or I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

A giant calendar page appeared in mid-air with a bullseye on the Thursday of the upcoming week. The blob gulped.

"I'm terribly sorry about all of this. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"That's OK. At least my parents are not going to be wondering where I'd got to at dinnertime." She took hold of Beetlejuice's arm. "Speaking of food, maybe we _should_ be getting to the Shocking Mall." BJ found himself wrenched right off his feet as Lydia dashed for the exit, not wanting there to be any more trouble.

The blob sat and watched them go, unaware that the lady who'd been speaking to him five minutes ago was coming up behind him.

"Maybe we made the wrong decision in having a competition to punish Beetlejuice. Before he met that little girl he was ten times the nuisance he is now."

"Yeah, Lydia's real nice!" said a young monster who had overheard.

"She's so good to Beetlejuice!" added someone else.

"Nobody else loves him like she does!"

"She's done the Neitherworld the biggest favour we've ever had."

"She's the best friend Beetlejuice has ever had!"

...

Later, after a fabulous shopping spree, BJ and Lydia were walking out of the Shocking Mall, clad in their normal clothes, each carrying a bag.

"Thank you for taking me to the mall," said Lyds, "I've got lots of new clothes now. I only hope my Mum won't mind that she can't take me shopping herself and force me to buy some 'normal' clothes." She had visions of her mother's dismayed face as she showed her the maroon bat t-shirt and plum spider-web leggings.

"It was no trouble - anything to keep your mother on her toes!" replied BJ with a mischievous chuckle, probably imagining Delia doing just that.

"Speaking of clothes, I was wondering if we could use those spacesuits again at some point. After all, we have got a spaceship now. We could explore the outer reaches of the Neitherworld! I'd love to see what crazy creatures they have on other worlds."

"You know what they say, Lyds - the sky's the limit!"

"Especially when I'm with you."

The End


End file.
